"She said I think I'll go to Boston...
I think I'll start a new life,
I think I'll start it over,
where no one knows my name..."
- Boston by Augustana
I have to admit, more often than not, this upcoming move swamps me with emotion. Not necessarily fear, or apprehension, but just a sense of unknowingness. If that is even a word. It's as if the world beyond June 30th falls off a cliff, like it's the end of the world. And I know that sounds pretty melodramatic, but so much of what our life will be like is a blank slate. We don't know where we will live, what I will do for work, what Hunt's schedule or workday will be like, whether he will have to work every single holiday this upcoming year, if there will be a church that we connect with, and if we will find other like-minded couples to spend time with.
Many of my close girlfriends have walked this road ahead of me. They have followed their husbands or their careers, and gone to new towns, either permanently or temporarily, found new jobs to help support their family, made new friends, planted themselves where they were, and done it lovingly and with excitement.
And a big part of me is excited. I am SO excited for Hunt that he will become an interventional cardiologist. This is career-changing, a dream realized and a prayer answered.
Yet, a part of me is quietly grieving. As much as I did not expect to be going anywhere near Atlanta, I had held out hope. Maybe much more than I had even realized. I had a little dream of returning to working in ministry at North Point in some capacity. Of going to work and feeling like I was good at my job, appreciated and valued. To be able to be in a church that we enjoyed, that helped us grow as a newlywed couple. To be able to spend time with many of our closest friends who are married and are followers of Christ. That our family would be just a short drive up the road.
But that is not what God chose for us. Not yet, and maybe never. Just writing that makes me tear up. I am coming to grips with the fact that living in Atlanta near family, working in a job I excelled at and enjoyed, among a community of vibrant believers may not be what the Lord has in his plans.
It is MUCH harder to be content and joyful in the midst of circumstances that might not be exactly what you would chose.
Hunt is so good to remind me that this is exactly what the Lord has chosen for us. That he knows infinitely more about what is best for us. And what will accomplish his purposes. That he chose to put us in this location, in this time, for this season. And for every season that will come. And Hunt is wise to say that he is glad that it's the Lord who is choosing this and not us since our knowledge and wisdom is incomplete. And I love my husband for challenging me in this area.
I desire so much to be joyful and content no matter the setting. I feel guilty over not cultivating this well since my life is amazingly blessed. I have a wonderful husband, I have a roof over my head, I never go hungry, I have clothes (sometimes even new ones!), and we are free to worship Christ and enjoy immense freedom and prosperity as Americans.
I can see and sense that we are being stretched and refined by the Lord during this time. I am learning what it means to grow my relationship with the Lord outside of an environment where I am constantly encouraged to do so. To be a loving and supportive wife, to daily go to a job and work as if I'm working for the Lord, to not give in to sadness over what I've said goodbye to, and to celebrate what I have right in front of me. But, for now, I have to admit, I'm struggling with all of this...but, praise the Lord that I have a husband who hugs me and points me to scripture rather than trying to reason and logic me out of my emotional funk.
LORD, you are my God;
I will exalt you and praise your name,
for in perfect faithfulness
you have done wonderful things,
things planned long ago.
- Isaiah 25:1
(emphasis mine)
Funny how the Lord gave me exactly what he knew I needed in that moment and in Hunt as a husband. And I'm so grateful that he saved Hunt for me. Because, ultimately, I would choose this path again and again to be his wife and go with him wherever we end up. Now I just need to learn how to walk this path well and with consistent joy and peace along the way!
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Just as a little word of encouragement . . .
One day, possibly many years from now, you may lead a very "stable" life in Atlanta. At that time though, you will look back on where you are today and miss those people you met in Boston. You'll miss that corner deli that became your favorite little spot for lunch. You may even miss that lovely (insert sarcasm) northern accent.
My mom always challenged me to embrace all the moving, traveling and experiences that baseball required because it doesn't last forever. She also always told me that I'd have the rest of my life to be stable. She was so right. While it was a very tough road at times, I look back now with such fondness over the memories we made and people we met. I have no doubts that you'll be the same way!
Love you and will be praying for you!!!!
Oh, I'm sure that's super hard. I don't envy you at all. I've often said if my family moves, I'm moving with them. Or Mike and I will joke that we want to move out west, but only if we can bring my family, our friends and our church with us. :) In other words, we never want to move. But... who knows, God may have other plans for us one day, and I hope I can respond with the same grace and wisdom you are showing. I know your emotions are hard to handle right now, but you're choosing to believe the Truth, and that is what matters. So have yourself a good cry, a good glass of wine and/or a piece of good chocolate or whatever little thing will make the emotions feel less overwhelming in the meantime. :)
Thanks Linds! You were actually who came to mind when I think of this season...you never knew what would happen season to season and you seemed so at peace with that uncertainty. And joyful in the midst of it! You definitely have given me a great example of a supportive wife. I LOVE your mom's advice - so true! In many ways it's a BIG adventure to discover New England together and survive/explore/experience it just us two.
Julie - thank you for your sweet words! I just started reading "Strong Women, Soft Hearts" and it's been great - though I can't say any grace that I'm displaying is of me, that's for sure! And the wine/chocolate/cry sounds right up my alley!
Be ready for God to amaze you! You will learn so much as you create a new home together - what you really value, how you want to spend your time and the power of the two of you together...
I am not saying that you won't miss a lot of things about home, but I truly believe that you will gain a deeper appreciation and perspective on what matters most.
And I bet in a couple of years, I will be reading your blog entry on how sad you are to be leaving your "home" in Boston but you are excited for the next journey the Lord will be taking you on!
Love you girl.
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