Sweet Tweets

Monday, July 10, 2006

Voluntary Torture

My friends, I feel I must warn you about a little thing called "threading."

No, not threading the eye of a needle. Rather threading the delicate skin around your eye.

That description alone should lead you to ask any sane woman that undergoes threading why she has seemingly just popped some crazy pills.

Let me explain; this is an act of grooming. As in, not only is this voluntary torture that we call and set an appointment for, but it requires you to pay for it.

My foray into threading started innocently enough. I made an appointment at a local spa to have my eyebrows waxed. Yes, I know my eyebrows are blonde and no one can see them but me. Regardless, I pay little wrinkled women a small fortune to spread hot wax on the thin strip of skin near my eye and then rip it off with a surprising amount of force considering that the height requirement for these ladies appears to have a 4'9" cutoff.

At above mentioned spa, I enter a room that smells of incense, is playing the hottest new tune from Yanni, and lay down on a heated bed preparing to be beautified. Well, my waxer speaks to me of her talents in threading, how it is an ancient practice that grooms you gloriously, and how she recommends me to trust her.

Maybe it was the incense, or the mention of how many celebrities are into threading on some E! news clip I saw recently, but I said "ok, why not?" I'm spontaneous. I'm adventuresome. I'm slightly scared of what this little lady in a sari is going to do to me if I say "no thanks."

Let me say, it's good that I did this at the end of the workday. As she is leaning over me, grasping two pieces of thread, twisting them between her fingers and sliding them towards the offensive hair as they make an eerie, soft shrieking sound, she is whispering that it is normal to have a catastrophic sinus attack of watering eyes, body shaking sneezes and a sudden urge to hit small, defenseless children. With mascara rubbed up, down and around my eyes, my eyes and nose running and my skin resembling a plucked chicken's, I looked like I should be sticking my arm with an emergency shot of epinephrine instead of collapsing into my car and driving home.

Never again. At least, not until they grow back in.

2 Remarks:

Beth said...

HAHAHAHA!!!! I mean, its not funny, but the way you worded it IS FUNNY. Melissa, Holly likes threading, but I just prefer to pluck! The whole concept just sounds so weird and unnecessary. Thanks for taking one for the team for us all Melissa! I miss you. I return August 2!! Wahoo! Gotta see you soon!

Betsy N said...

Ouch! Is it weird that I am somewhat masachistic and like the pain of waxing??? Yes, weird.